My Christmas Wish. . .

Every year people ask me what I want for Christmas and every year I have no idea. The things I want you normally can't buy in a store, or make from things laying around the house. Normally I can't even put what I want into words.

Too often at Christmas I find the bustle of buying and wrapping and preparing Christmas dinner more than a little stressful and wonder how my mother ever did it for twelve children, their spouses and however many grandchildren happened to be at the house.

All over the country people prepare to serve huge meals. They'll spend the next few days wrapping cooking and scrubbing down every corner of the house where there family and friends will gather.

But as I prepare a much smaller meal (one only meant for 5) my mind keeps shifting to the fact that there are hundreds of families this year who prepare for one less than they did last year. For some there are presents waiting for a child that they never had the chance to open, for others a pall of sadness fills the house as someone tries to step in for that special person who made Christmas magical.

So this year with Christmas only days away my wish is for them. I wish them peace and the knowledge that though Christmas this year will be difficult, that you will always miss them, they are not gone forever and their love for you will remain no matter how many days and weeks pass.

I personally do not know you. At least not that I am aware of, and perhaps this wish will never reach the eyes and ears of any of those that my wish is made for, but perhaps it will, and in that case I wish you a Merry Christmas and want you to know that my heart and my prayers go out to you in this time of need.

May your loved one never be forgotten and that though I may not know you, you are not forgotten this holiday season.

That is my wish this year.

ACTION SCENES - 6 Rules to writing better action

In my writing group we started doing this thing where one person teaches something they're good at. In my case that was Action Scenes, and after all the work to put this together I decided I should share it with more than the three people in my writing group.

I'll take you through three different scenes that could be defined as ACTION or more tension. But first let's see how you go about making an action scene.

First you have a section you know has action such as:

Armond held the gun. His hand shook as he pointed it at Kalin—the man who’d once been his friend. He’d betrayed him so many years ago, sent him to live in bondage with the other changelings.

Kalin held out his hands, his gold sword shining in the pale light at his feet where he’d dropped it when Armond pulled the gun. “Are you really going to kill me, Armond?”

Armond nodded angrily. “Yes.” He pulled the trigger.

This could definitely use some work. But how do you go about it?

Follow these 6 rules and you'll be well on your way.

Step 1: Dump or spread out description.

If you're all tense and in a battle, do you notice little details? Or would you notice that they're about to hit you with their sword? I think it's the latter...-. Tons of description will bog down your action. Use more description in more relaxed, lazy times

 

Step 2: Word Choice

If action is quick use words that imply speed ai: flash, whirl, sped

 Step 3: Short sentences

Subject – verb sentences are better for action. They're faster than other sentences. Like your action should be. Don't believe me? Seems awkward? Then look at the example.

 Step 4: Short paragraphs.

If there's something you wish to stress, make it into a teeny tiny paragraph of its own, usually one or two sentences. Doing that puts more tension and makes the short sentences work better. Attention is drawn to whatever you put into a small paragraph.

Step 5: Congruity

The short sentences don't flow together well yet, because of so much repetition. It could be enhanced by changing the subject-verb pattern in a couple places, but don't do it often, or you may ruin the effect.

Step 6: Structure and fragments

Sometimes you can have good wording, but if you change the word order, or make it a sentence fragment you will get the effect more. Yes, it may not be proper English, regrettably, but it can totally change your scene for the better. That is, if you do not overuse it. If you do overuse your fragments, your congruity will be totally ruined and the scene will be stumbled over by your readers.

 

So let's go through these steps and see what we come up with.

Step 1: Dump or Spread out description.

Armond held the gun. His hand shook as he pointed it at Kalin—the man who’d once been his friend. He’d betrayed him so many years ago, sent him to live in bondage with the other changelings.

Kalin held out his hands, his gold sword shining in the pale light at his feet where he’d dropped it when Armond pulled the gun. “Are you really going to kill me, Armond?”

Armond nodded angrily. “Yes.” He pulled the trigger.

 

STEP 2: Word Choice

Now this little blurb could use a makeover of words including making it more active. All of this falls into word choice.

Armond clutched the cold metal of the gun as a fiery point of indecision lodged deep in his chest. Armond held the gun. His hand shook as he pointed it at Kalin—the man who’d once been his friend. His fingers trembled as he stared at the man who should be his best friend.

Kalin lifted his hands in surrender, the golden sword clattering against the rubble at his feet. held out his hands, his sword shining in the pale light at his feet. “Are you really going to kill me, Armond?”

Armond nodded angrily. Anger solidified within and Armond’s hand steadied. “Yes.” He pulled the trigger. The lock clicked and the gun bucked against his palm as a flash of light flooded his sight.

 

 

 

STEP 3: Short Sentences—Action scenes need short sentences. It keeps the pace going and sucks the reader in.

Armond clutched the cold metal of the gun. as aA fiery point of indecision lodged deep in his chest. His fingers trembled as he stared at the man who should be his best friend.

Kalin lifted his hands in surrender. , tThe golden sword clattereding against the rubble at his feet. “Are you really going to kill me, Armond?”

Anger solidified within and Armond’s hand steadied. The lock clicked. and t The gun bucked. against his palm as a A flash of light flooded his sight.

 

STEP 4: Short paragraphs—this already has pretty short paragraphs so we’ll skip this step for this example, but when looking at your own WIP make sure the paragraphs are short and if you want to emphasize something make it its own paragraph.

 

STEP 5: Congruity

 

The cold metal of the gun bit into Armond’s hand. clutched the cold metal of the gun. A fiery point of indecision lodged deep in his chest. His fingers trembled as he stared at the man who should be his best friend.

The sword fell from Kalin’s hands, clattering against the rubble. He lifted his hands in surrender. The golden sword clattered against the rubble at his feet. “Are you really going to kill me, Armond?”

Anger solidified. within and Armond’s hand steadied. The lock clicked. The gun bucked. A flash of light flooded his sight.

 

STEP 6: Structure and fragments

The cold metal of the gun bit into Armond’s hand, the lock fixed against his finger. A fiery point of indecision lodged deep in his chest. His fingers trembled as he stared at the man who should be his best friend. The man who’d betrayed him. The man who’d sent him burning in this pit of hell he called a camp.

Today that would end. Today he would be free.

The sword fell from Kalin’s hands, clattering against the rubble at his feet. He lifted his hands in surrender. “Are you really going to kill me, Armond?”

Anger solidified. Armond’s hand steadied. “Yes.” The metal clicked. The gun bucked. A flash of light flooded his sight.

See the difference?

Now it's your turn. First take the following paragraph (yes I know it's horrible) and try to break it up, make it better. After that write or correct a scene of your own.

Chris stepped forward, sword extended, then the weapons met. Next Chris turned, pulling his sword up and it pulled free of the other man’s sword. In the next moment the sword swung toward him and he ducked out of the way, falling to the dirt. He knew if he didn’t do something soon he’d die. He picked up a rock and threw it against the side of the other man’s head. The sword dropped to the ground.

The Next Big Thing!

I was invited to do a post on my book Q&A style. She tagged me and in return I will be tagging several others that you can travel to and find their posts on their blogs.



Gail Zuniga www.gailzuniga.blogspot.com
Jolyn Brown jolynbrown.blogspot.com
Debra Davis www.debbiesinkspectations.blogspot.com
Luke http://www.grandspeculation.com/the-next-big-thing/

What is the working title of your book?

Daemarkin

Where did the idea come from for the book?

Naruto. I was watching the show and saw Gaara facing off in his sand demon form and suddenly the thought popped in my head a demon ninja, now that would make a cool story.

What genre does your book fall under?

YA Fantasy

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

Don’t know. Most of my characters are younger so not sure who I’d want to play them.

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

Daemarkin is the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde where Mr. Hyde is a demon trying to take over sixteen year old Zade’s body and the secrets Zade keeps are helping it gain control.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

Agency. Definitely agency. I know the value of having a good agent. They have connections I don’t and know the business much better than I do.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

First draft 4 weeks, but it’s been through a lot of revisions since.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

Sarah Rees Brennan’s the Demon Lexicon mixed with of course Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for the personality shift.

Who or What inspired you to write this book?

I love to write. It keeps me sane. Really I just wanted a book I could read and say “Yeah, that’s awesome.”

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

Not only does Zade fight for his very soul, but he’s the last warrior charged with keeping the villagers safe from a demon army. You can just imagine the conflict that goes with having a demon inhabiting his soul when he’s supposed to keep everyone safe. It gets him in a lot of tight spots (which I absolutely loved writing), tight spots that he can’t pull himself out of without the help of the friends he makes, friends who aren’t about to let him fight alone.

Pitch Live!

Title: DAEMARKIN

Genre: YA Fantasy

Word Count: 86,000

 

FREE BOOK!!!

A friend of mine is offering his book MY BODY FELL OFF! free today. So go pick up your copy and have a look.

http://www.amazon.com/Light-Traveler-Adventure-Series-ebook/dp/B008CG2TD0/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1342188414&sr=1-1&keywords=bj+rowley

Review for Miserere

I'm not the easiest person to please. As a writer I find that it's difficult to really enjoy stories as much as I used to. The writing has to be great or the story incredible for me to stop slipping into critique mode.

Miserere by Teresa Frohock did both. A story of redemption you follow Lucian as he tries to save the life of a little girl who came to him from Earth.

I became lost in the story as he ran from his twin sister who wants him under her control and to give his soul to the Fallen as she has.

Now he has to run to the only safe place for the girl and his only chance of escape, the very people he betrayed years ago.

I loved this story and highly recommend it.

Writer's VOICE Contest

Brenda Drake is doing a great contest over at http://brenleedrake.blogspot.com/ I'm definitely signing up for it.

So here goes. My pitch and the first 250 words from my book. (Okay I went to the end of the sentence.)

Being eaten by demonic wolves was noton fourteen-year-old Tiani’s to-do list. But her best friend stupidly agreed to spend the night in the forest and she’s not about to let him go alone, even if it means facing down a demon. After everything he’s done to help her through her mother’s death, it’s the least she can do.

Apparently, his loyalty isn’t as deep.

Instead of helping her fight the wolvesoff, he runs. Before the wolves can tear her apart they’re chased away by Zade, a sixteen-year-old boy possessed by a slumbering fire demon. Zade’s nothing like a real demon … at least not any demon she’s ever heard about. Demons aren’t nice, and they certainly don’t teach people how to protect themselves.

When Zade is injured helping her save her village from another wolf attack, the fire demon takes control,incinerating everything in its path. This is more like the demon she expected and he isn’t about to give Zade’s body back. Huddled in fear, the villagers agree on one thing–Zade must die before he kills them all.

But kill Zade after all he’s done for her? He’s her friend. If she hurries she might be able to save him and her village, locking the demon away once more. That is if she succeeds.Not likely. And failure … well, if she’s lucky the demon will kill her before destroying everyone she knows.

DAEMERKIN is an 85,000-wordYA fantasy told from multiple points of view. Fans of Sarah Rees Brennan’s The Demon Lexicon and Jonathan Stroud’s Bartimaeus Trilogy will also enjoy the YA fantasy DAEMERKIN.


CHAPTER 1

Claws bit into the back of Zade’s calf, tearing through flesh as they raked along his leg. He gasped, the wolf’s breath making lifting the hair on the back of his neck. He twisted, its jaws snapping shut an inch from his ear. The blade from his belt and sliced across the wolf’s throat. Hot blood sprayed over his hands, filling the air with a metallic scent. Zade turned back, his other hand rising as the rest of the pack stalked toward him. Two already lay dead behind them.

They were growing bold.

Zade’s grip on the shuriken in his left hand tightened, the sharp rounded edges brushing his skin. Three enormous wolves leapt toward him, their shoulders rustling the branches. The shuriken sailed from his fingers, catching each before they came within five feet of him. They dropped to the ground. The last three lost their nerve and fled.

Slowly his muscles relaxed. For now at least, the village was safe. He limped forward and bent down by the first monstrous wolf.

Moonlight glistened off the bloody five-bladed shuriken as Zade pulled it from the still warm body. He wiped the weapon against his pants, the gouges along his calf stinging in the cool night breeze.

I can’t believe I let them sneak up on me.

He stretched out his mind, searching the area for any more of the wolf-like maviel. The three stalked through the forest near the ridge, their flight halted. As long as they knew he was here, they shouldn’t come closer.

Editor Giveaway

There's a great giveaway going on over at C.A Marshall's site. The chance to win a full critique of a book from an editor as well as many other wonderful prizes. Make sure you take a look.

Squished

Squished by life. My husband tells me I love to torture my characters, and in many ways he's right. I never have so much fun writing as when something difficult is happening in my characters life. As I write mostly Sci-fi and Fantasy that does tend to be battles, being tortured, or trying to get out of impossible situations.

However, it's not nearly as much fun when it's happening to me. Now. In real life. (sighs)

Okay so I don't have any flesh eating monsters chasing me, or that dreaded evil wizard who wants to steal my powers and make sure I can never beat him. There's no king trying to kill me, or battles I have to wage against fellow warriors. In some ways I think these challenges would be so much easier. I've written enough of them that I'd know exactly what I had to do and would be able to move forward, sword in hand, magic blazing.

Instead I'm trapped in the horrible land of NORMAL, or not so normal. 

Squished.

It could seriously be the title for my life story.

It could probably be the title for many life stories. Life can be hard, it can slam you against walls and refuse to let you get up again. It can make everything spin out of control, steal all from your grasp and send you racing down a road to an adventure you never expected.

That's how stories start isn't it?

Even the true life ones.

An Amazing Contest

This month the Show Your Love contest is being held over at Show your Love Contest your Love Contest
It's an exciting contest, with prizes of...

DINNER WITH AGENTS AND AUTHORS!!!

Seriously everyone should take a look at this and if you intend on attending the LDStorymakers conference in May (if you haven't already got a ticket make sure you get one soon at http://ldstorymakers.com/conferences/registration/http://ldstorymakers.com/conferences/registration/)

It will be an event you won't want to miss.

This is my entry for the Perfect Pitch contest that begins on January 17. Looking forward to any feedback. I'll be popping around to some of the other contestants and giving my input. Join us for fun and feedback.

UPDATE:

Pitch:

Two rules: Kill demons on sight, and stay out of their forest. Tiani shatters both on a dare and runs into one who saves her life, but letting him go means exile or worse… possession.


OLDER:

Pitch:

Two rules: Stay away from demons and kill them on sight. Tiani shatters both on a stupid dare and runs straight into the only demon around - a demon who saves her life.

First 150 words:

      The silence of the forest sent chills up Tiani’s back. Even the bugs were quiet. A faint red glow bathed the mountain ridge, the sky changing from the black of night. A few more minutes and the sun would rise. She swallowed past the lump in her throat. It’s just a stupid dare, but if I run back now everyone will call me coward. Her clammy fingers clenched around the leather bound hilt of the knife and she slipped it from its sheath tied around her leg. It’s probably nothing. Just a wolf, or bear. Nothing more dangerous than that.
     A twig snapped behind her and Tiani spun, scanning the treeline. “Ehlrin? Is that you?”
     Silence.
     Her heart beat in her ears, her knuckles white. Just stay calm. Oh, please just let it be Ehlrin’s stupid brothers. Please let them be playing a trick on me.
    A deep rumbling growl made her freeze in place and Tiani slowly turned.