Fantasy Editing's Spread the Word Giveaway

Everyone likes free things, right? Well from today until June 8th I'm holding a Free 50 page Edit Giveaway over at www.FantasyEditing.com

Come on over and check it out under the Trapped in the Story tab. The entry form is in the sidebar on the right.

Open for Business!!!

For the last several months (okay, I'm lying, it's been years) I've been studying the craft of building a story and editing. Yes EDITING. I absolutely love taking someone else's story and finding ways to make it flow better, make sure the characters are the same in the way they look and speak, and ensure that the story is better for being in my hands. (I can't seem to stop myself as I do this with published stories too.)
So I finally decided to become a Freelance Editor and I am open for business!!!

So come over and take a look at my new website www.fantasyediting.com and all I offer (including a blog I'll be adding to once or twice a month with tips on how to make your story so good the reader literally becomes Trapped in the Story).

LDStorymakers 2013 and the Show the Love contest

As always I'm getting ready to head off to the LDStorymakers conference in May. I love this conference as it has taught me so much from how to critique mine and others work to how magic systems are meant to work. It is worth every cent you pay for it. This year they also have Anne Perry as the Keynote speaker. I'm looking forward to hearing her speak.

Registration closes April 3 so if you don't have your tickets yet make sure to get them soon.


This month is also the SHOW THE LOVE contest for this wonderful contest. It includes great prizes. Make sure to check it out.

My Christmas Wish. . .

Every year people ask me what I want for Christmas and every year I have no idea. The things I want you normally can't buy in a store, or make from things laying around the house. Normally I can't even put what I want into words.

Too often at Christmas I find the bustle of buying and wrapping and preparing Christmas dinner more than a little stressful and wonder how my mother ever did it for twelve children, their spouses and however many grandchildren happened to be at the house.

All over the country people prepare to serve huge meals. They'll spend the next few days wrapping cooking and scrubbing down every corner of the house where there family and friends will gather.

But as I prepare a much smaller meal (one only meant for 5) my mind keeps shifting to the fact that there are hundreds of families this year who prepare for one less than they did last year. For some there are presents waiting for a child that they never had the chance to open, for others a pall of sadness fills the house as someone tries to step in for that special person who made Christmas magical.

So this year with Christmas only days away my wish is for them. I wish them peace and the knowledge that though Christmas this year will be difficult, that you will always miss them, they are not gone forever and their love for you will remain no matter how many days and weeks pass.

I personally do not know you. At least not that I am aware of, and perhaps this wish will never reach the eyes and ears of any of those that my wish is made for, but perhaps it will, and in that case I wish you a Merry Christmas and want you to know that my heart and my prayers go out to you in this time of need.

May your loved one never be forgotten and that though I may not know you, you are not forgotten this holiday season.

That is my wish this year.

ACTION SCENES - 6 Rules to writing better action

In my writing group we started doing this thing where one person teaches something they're good at. In my case that was Action Scenes, and after all the work to put this together I decided I should share it with more than the three people in my writing group.

I'll take you through three different scenes that could be defined as ACTION or more tension. But first let's see how you go about making an action scene.

First you have a section you know has action such as:

Armond held the gun. His hand shook as he pointed it at Kalin—the man who’d once been his friend. He’d betrayed him so many years ago, sent him to live in bondage with the other changelings.

Kalin held out his hands, his gold sword shining in the pale light at his feet where he’d dropped it when Armond pulled the gun. “Are you really going to kill me, Armond?”

Armond nodded angrily. “Yes.” He pulled the trigger.

This could definitely use some work. But how do you go about it?

Follow these 6 rules and you'll be well on your way.

Step 1: Dump or spread out description.

If you're all tense and in a battle, do you notice little details? Or would you notice that they're about to hit you with their sword? I think it's the latter...-. Tons of description will bog down your action. Use more description in more relaxed, lazy times

 

Step 2: Word Choice

If action is quick use words that imply speed ai: flash, whirl, sped

 Step 3: Short sentences

Subject – verb sentences are better for action. They're faster than other sentences. Like your action should be. Don't believe me? Seems awkward? Then look at the example.

 Step 4: Short paragraphs.

If there's something you wish to stress, make it into a teeny tiny paragraph of its own, usually one or two sentences. Doing that puts more tension and makes the short sentences work better. Attention is drawn to whatever you put into a small paragraph.

Step 5: Congruity

The short sentences don't flow together well yet, because of so much repetition. It could be enhanced by changing the subject-verb pattern in a couple places, but don't do it often, or you may ruin the effect.

Step 6: Structure and fragments

Sometimes you can have good wording, but if you change the word order, or make it a sentence fragment you will get the effect more. Yes, it may not be proper English, regrettably, but it can totally change your scene for the better. That is, if you do not overuse it. If you do overuse your fragments, your congruity will be totally ruined and the scene will be stumbled over by your readers.

 

So let's go through these steps and see what we come up with.

Step 1: Dump or Spread out description.

Armond held the gun. His hand shook as he pointed it at Kalin—the man who’d once been his friend. He’d betrayed him so many years ago, sent him to live in bondage with the other changelings.

Kalin held out his hands, his gold sword shining in the pale light at his feet where he’d dropped it when Armond pulled the gun. “Are you really going to kill me, Armond?”

Armond nodded angrily. “Yes.” He pulled the trigger.

 

STEP 2: Word Choice

Now this little blurb could use a makeover of words including making it more active. All of this falls into word choice.

Armond clutched the cold metal of the gun as a fiery point of indecision lodged deep in his chest. Armond held the gun. His hand shook as he pointed it at Kalin—the man who’d once been his friend. His fingers trembled as he stared at the man who should be his best friend.

Kalin lifted his hands in surrender, the golden sword clattering against the rubble at his feet. held out his hands, his sword shining in the pale light at his feet. “Are you really going to kill me, Armond?”

Armond nodded angrily. Anger solidified within and Armond’s hand steadied. “Yes.” He pulled the trigger. The lock clicked and the gun bucked against his palm as a flash of light flooded his sight.

 

 

 

STEP 3: Short Sentences—Action scenes need short sentences. It keeps the pace going and sucks the reader in.

Armond clutched the cold metal of the gun. as aA fiery point of indecision lodged deep in his chest. His fingers trembled as he stared at the man who should be his best friend.

Kalin lifted his hands in surrender. , tThe golden sword clattereding against the rubble at his feet. “Are you really going to kill me, Armond?”

Anger solidified within and Armond’s hand steadied. The lock clicked. and t The gun bucked. against his palm as a A flash of light flooded his sight.

 

STEP 4: Short paragraphs—this already has pretty short paragraphs so we’ll skip this step for this example, but when looking at your own WIP make sure the paragraphs are short and if you want to emphasize something make it its own paragraph.

 

STEP 5: Congruity

 

The cold metal of the gun bit into Armond’s hand. clutched the cold metal of the gun. A fiery point of indecision lodged deep in his chest. His fingers trembled as he stared at the man who should be his best friend.

The sword fell from Kalin’s hands, clattering against the rubble. He lifted his hands in surrender. The golden sword clattered against the rubble at his feet. “Are you really going to kill me, Armond?”

Anger solidified. within and Armond’s hand steadied. The lock clicked. The gun bucked. A flash of light flooded his sight.

 

STEP 6: Structure and fragments

The cold metal of the gun bit into Armond’s hand, the lock fixed against his finger. A fiery point of indecision lodged deep in his chest. His fingers trembled as he stared at the man who should be his best friend. The man who’d betrayed him. The man who’d sent him burning in this pit of hell he called a camp.

Today that would end. Today he would be free.

The sword fell from Kalin’s hands, clattering against the rubble at his feet. He lifted his hands in surrender. “Are you really going to kill me, Armond?”

Anger solidified. Armond’s hand steadied. “Yes.” The metal clicked. The gun bucked. A flash of light flooded his sight.

See the difference?

Now it's your turn. First take the following paragraph (yes I know it's horrible) and try to break it up, make it better. After that write or correct a scene of your own.

Chris stepped forward, sword extended, then the weapons met. Next Chris turned, pulling his sword up and it pulled free of the other man’s sword. In the next moment the sword swung toward him and he ducked out of the way, falling to the dirt. He knew if he didn’t do something soon he’d die. He picked up a rock and threw it against the side of the other man’s head. The sword dropped to the ground.

The Next Big Thing!

I was invited to do a post on my book Q&A style. She tagged me and in return I will be tagging several others that you can travel to and find their posts on their blogs.



Gail Zuniga www.gailzuniga.blogspot.com
Jolyn Brown jolynbrown.blogspot.com
Debra Davis www.debbiesinkspectations.blogspot.com
Luke http://www.grandspeculation.com/the-next-big-thing/

What is the working title of your book?

Daemarkin

Where did the idea come from for the book?

Naruto. I was watching the show and saw Gaara facing off in his sand demon form and suddenly the thought popped in my head a demon ninja, now that would make a cool story.

What genre does your book fall under?

YA Fantasy

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

Don’t know. Most of my characters are younger so not sure who I’d want to play them.

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

Daemarkin is the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde where Mr. Hyde is a demon trying to take over sixteen year old Zade’s body and the secrets Zade keeps are helping it gain control.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

Agency. Definitely agency. I know the value of having a good agent. They have connections I don’t and know the business much better than I do.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

First draft 4 weeks, but it’s been through a lot of revisions since.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

Sarah Rees Brennan’s the Demon Lexicon mixed with of course Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for the personality shift.

Who or What inspired you to write this book?

I love to write. It keeps me sane. Really I just wanted a book I could read and say “Yeah, that’s awesome.”

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

Not only does Zade fight for his very soul, but he’s the last warrior charged with keeping the villagers safe from a demon army. You can just imagine the conflict that goes with having a demon inhabiting his soul when he’s supposed to keep everyone safe. It gets him in a lot of tight spots (which I absolutely loved writing), tight spots that he can’t pull himself out of without the help of the friends he makes, friends who aren’t about to let him fight alone.

Pitch Live!

Title: DAEMARKIN

Genre: YA Fantasy

Word Count: 86,000