tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234503134679364852.post1250446376631184559..comments2023-09-08T07:37:26.676-07:00Comments on Trapped in the Story: Blogfest! Let's have fun!Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13813034388044650466noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234503134679364852.post-46523088837517645302011-03-21T15:29:45.554-07:002011-03-21T15:29:45.554-07:00I have to echo the others, you're great at the...I have to echo the others, you're great at the external, with description, action, pacing - now we need to see you connect that to the internal. You start to in the first paragraph, but I think you'd be most effective if you find a way to weave an internal monologue and thought process into the sentences around her action and dialogue in the middle of the page.Kalen O'Donnellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02131133469192904315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234503134679364852.post-36716143207969254602011-03-20T20:14:56.916-07:002011-03-20T20:14:56.916-07:00I love your first paragraph. It paints a vivid ima...I love your first paragraph. It paints a vivid image of the scene unfolding. There's lots of emotion, but I agree that some internal dialogue might give the reader a better idea of how the MC is feeling.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01677563505368503476noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234503134679364852.post-29570499391100242662011-03-20T18:43:11.385-07:002011-03-20T18:43:11.385-07:00Maybe I missed it, but I didn't catch the genr...Maybe I missed it, but I didn't catch the genre. I am presuming Fantasy but was unsure if it was YA. Ton of emotion packed into these first 250 words. Great Job.<br /><br />http://www.veritasoccultus.blogspot.com/Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10736441732672508192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234503134679364852.post-13024513538510057162011-03-20T16:38:52.039-07:002011-03-20T16:38:52.039-07:00I really liked the voice of and pace of your first...I really liked the voice of and pace of your first paragraph. But before I have a chance to get to know her, like Angelica said, you don't get a chance to connect with the characters. I agree that perhaps interior dialog would help us know how she feels, give us something to connect with. <br /><br />Good luck with the contest! <br /><br />ShelleyShelley Wattershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01441028066774362849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234503134679364852.post-72321241438747403252011-03-20T15:37:50.957-07:002011-03-20T15:37:50.957-07:00Your first paragraph does a great job of putting u...Your first paragraph does a great job of putting us right in the action, but then when you started introducing unfamiliar words/names, you lost me. I get the feeling that a lot is riding on this chase, but I don't get a chance to connect with the characters so that I can root for them.<br /><br />Maybe some more interior dialogue that shows us how important this is to the MC, rather than telling us it's important?Angelica R. Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09448717076699744259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3234503134679364852.post-37815141573103423052011-03-19T19:54:35.645-07:002011-03-19T19:54:35.645-07:00This is completely unrelated to your post, but omg...This is completely unrelated to your post, but omg, there's my missing Beta!! I lost your email and never sent you my last round of crits for dark visions!! Then my work computer got a virus and they took it away, and I lost the file. :( Glad to find your blog tho!! Following you now!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01168932830993157564noreply@blogger.com